Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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