no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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