Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
