you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
