FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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