My friends, they love my intelligence
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
