don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
