I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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