If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
