I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
