batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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