There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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