omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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