Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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