Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize