We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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