I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
