That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You are the jesus of drinking
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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