I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize