my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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