Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
