I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
