So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
