Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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