Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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