Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
