I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
