2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
