well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
