The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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