dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
