Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
