he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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