I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
