piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
