Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
