Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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