Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
