You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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