Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
