I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
