Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
