I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
