so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
