Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
