Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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