So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
