When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
