The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
