So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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