Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
