it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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