my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
