I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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