So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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