And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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