I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
