She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize