3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
