still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
