i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize