i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
