I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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