dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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