you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize