he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize