Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
