In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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