So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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