John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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