just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
